Everyone has an opinion on Prince Harry. I used to ride the Meghan and Harry hate train, simply because I enjoy hating people. But after listening to the audiobook version of Harry’s newly released memoir, Spare, I’ve changed my tune.
I’m only three hours into the 15-hour saga, but my heart breaks for Harry. He grew up without his mother, publicly humiliated throughout his youth and neglected by his family. The most common critique is that Harry shouldn’t be airing out the family’s dirty laundry—but he’s been putting his family’s needs before his own for his entire life. This book is his way of finally snapping.
But following the release of Spare, not everyone seems as willing to come over to Harry’s side as I was. It’s not just the British tabloids coming for him, either—even an American burger chain is taking some potshots.
On January 10, fast casual chain Wayback Burgers announced its latest promotional menu item, The Royal Silencer. It’s an obvious direct jab at Harry; if the product’s name didn’t make it clear enough, the accompanying caption speaks for itself. Wayback calls the Silencer “a one-of-a-kind burger designed to silence the urge to spill family gossip to media outlets, book publishers and documentarians alike.” There’s even a third burger patty—that is, “a spare patty for the world’s most notable ‘spare.’”
Jesus, Wayback, what did Harry ever do to you? Were you guys classmates at Eton? Did you get passed over for an invite to get drunk at Club H? If so, perhaps you and Piers Morgan should have a talk.
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Along with the not-so-subtle shade of the Royal Silencer burger, Wayback’s president, Patrick Conlin, offered the Sussexes some subtly shady advice.
“Remember, no matter the family situation, there isn’t a problem in the world that cannot be resolved over a good burger,” said Conlin in a press release. He also presented the famous couple an offer that I’m sure they won’t be able to refuse: “If you are legitimately royals living in the United States, we hope you’ll come by and have one on us.”
Wow. If I were Prince Harry, I’d take Wayback up on that offer and eat the burger. Then I’d excrete it and leave it in a flaming bag on the restaurant’s doorstep.